Words I hate

On the subject of things I’m supposed to know, and have even been told repeatedly, I hate any words with “ae” in them.

God help me if someone expects me to read aloud anything about daemons or faeries. You couldn’t just call them demons or fairies? I know how to pronounce those words.

"Let's go see *mumbling*-flux! You know, the, u,m,  Charlie Theon movie."

“Let’s go see *mumbling*-flux! You know, the, u,m, Charlie Theon movie.”

I’m pretty sure I know how to pronounce these words. But in my head, right before I say them, I second-guess myself. Then, as I approach the word in the sentence like a car without brakes approaching a stoplight, I panic. The part of the word with “ae” turns into a jumble of vowel sounds nowhere NEAR the noise intended by the writer.

Aerospace engineer becomes “arglespace engineer.”

Algae becomes “Alg-ay-ee-eye-oh-you-and-sometimes-why”

Archaeologist becomes “Indiana Jones – people”

Look at that up there! You're so confused they're melting together!

Look at that up there! You’re so confused the letters melted!

English, ostensibly my native language, is pretty weird. But most of the time I can look at a word and go, “I don’t know what that means, but can probably guess at how to say it.”

By the way, if your name is Michael, I’ll say it the right way, but I want you to know that I kind of secretly harbor resentment toward you.